{"id":580,"date":"2019-12-27T05:56:00","date_gmt":"2019-12-27T05:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/emlajolie.com\/?p=580"},"modified":"2021-06-11T04:49:16","modified_gmt":"2021-06-11T04:49:16","slug":"on-healthcare-plans-burnout","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/emlajolie.com\/2019\/12\/on-healthcare-plans-burnout\/","title":{"rendered":"on healthcare plans + burnout"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

December 27, 2019<\/em> \u2013 It all started on a typical Friday night in my tiny, slanted apartment. I sat at the kitchen table, lingering for the warmth of the oven I\u2019d just used to cook dinner. My attention had shifted to healthcare plans due to an impending enrollment deadline when the familiar panic rose in my chest \u2013 what was I doing? I switched between HDHPs and PPOs, scrupulously researching their features, because I\u2019d somehow convinced myself that if I knew the difference, I\u2019d be able to make a decision. The way I\u2019d seemed to always convince myself: If I know more about it, then it\u2019ll be easier to decide. But that\u2019s hardly ever the case, is it? Frustrated, I surrendered to the fact that no one teaches you this in school and picked whatever sounded best at first glance. We\u2019ll see if I regret that later. I thought pressing the \u201csubmit\u201d button would bring a wave of relief. Instead, it brought a pang in my nose as salty tears pushed their way upward.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n


What was I doing? <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I guess that wasn\u2019t where it all started. Earlier that day, I\u2019d gotten coffee with a wonderful lady and fellow creative soul. She\u2019s spunky and bright, with just the right amount of fearlessness to match her ambition. We sat at the coffee shop together and rehashed the latest in our lives. I updated her on my work and listened as she told me about her new grad program. My breath caught as she shared about her upcoming month-long studio course in Europe next year. A month in her own studio, to create whatever she wanted. I tried, but failed, to hide my instant enchantment. Dedicated time and space to just\u2026create? That existed? We said our goodbyes, but I couldn\u2019t shake the idea as I walked home. I fantasized about booking an apartment, a room, really any place, where I could sit and write, or edit photos, or mold clay, or sing, or draw. I don\u2019t even draw and I barely sing, unless I\u2019m cooking and Maggie Rogers<\/a> is on full volume. Oh, I could cook too! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Suddenly, the flood of realization washed over me. I am so, so burnt out. 
I create on a daily basis for my job. I love it and I\u2019m good at it, which usually works out well. But lately, I\u2019ve been looking at my projects and feeling tired, passive, stuck, restless\u2026just generally burnt out. As someone who gets energy from people and ideas, this is a bit of a conundrum. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should also mention that I\u2019ve been researching burnout for a while now. I\u2019ve read every article available online (if you\u2019re interested, this piece<\/a> by Anne Helen Peterson changed my life) and have mapped out the symptoms like a Bingo card, where five in row means you win. Well, win at being burnt out, which I suppose is probably the opposite of winning. So you lose when you win. What a strange thought. I\u2019ve even added books on the topic to my Amazon cart, but, as a burnout aficionado might have guessed, I never buy them because it feels like too much work. Ironic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve seen burnout play out in so many different ways. A lot of \u201cI quit my job one day\u201d and \u201cI went on vacation and realized I had a different calling\u201d. And not to hate on that method, because I may very well find myself doing some \u201cEat Pray Love\u201d-style journey in the future, but I mostly just don\u2019t want to reach that point. I suppose that\u2019s why I\u2019m writing this here, in a way that feels equal parts vulnerable and nonsensical, to you, whoever you may be. If you\u2019re burnt out too \u2013 welcome to the club! If you\u2019re not, you lucky duck, I hope you can always honor that level of mental space. And if you can\u2019t, that\u2019s OK too. We\u2019ll be here. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyway, I\u2019ve said for years now that I want to start writing again. And a part of me was serious each time. But this time, I\u2019m doing it not just because I want to, but because, as I realized during a phone call with my crazy-supportive boyfriend, I desperately need to create something of my own. Voil\u00e0 \u2013 here we are!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

XO,
Em<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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