{"id":580,"date":"2019-12-27T05:56:00","date_gmt":"2019-12-27T05:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/emlajolie.com\/?p=580"},"modified":"2021-06-11T04:49:16","modified_gmt":"2021-06-11T04:49:16","slug":"on-healthcare-plans-burnout","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/emlajolie.com\/2019\/12\/on-healthcare-plans-burnout\/","title":{"rendered":"on healthcare plans + burnout"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
December 27, 2019<\/em> \u2013 It all started on a typical Friday night in my tiny, slanted apartment. I sat at the kitchen table, lingering for the warmth of the oven I\u2019d just used to cook dinner. My attention had shifted to healthcare plans due to an impending enrollment deadline when the familiar panic rose in my chest \u2013 what was I doing? I switched between HDHPs and PPOs, scrupulously researching their features, because I\u2019d somehow convinced myself that if I knew the difference, I\u2019d be able to make a decision. The way I\u2019d seemed to always convince myself: If I know more about it, then it\u2019ll be easier to decide. But that\u2019s hardly ever the case, is it? Frustrated, I surrendered to the fact that no one teaches you this in school and picked whatever sounded best at first glance. We\u2019ll see if I regret that later. I thought pressing the \u201csubmit\u201d button would bring a wave of relief. Instead, it brought a pang in my nose as salty tears pushed their way upward. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n I guess that wasn\u2019t where it all started. Earlier that day, I\u2019d gotten coffee with a wonderful lady and fellow creative soul. She\u2019s spunky and bright, with just the right amount of fearlessness to match her ambition. We sat at the coffee shop together and rehashed the latest in our lives. I updated her on my work and listened as she told me about her new grad program. My breath caught as she shared about her upcoming month-long studio course in Europe next year. A month in her own studio, to create whatever she wanted. I tried, but failed, to hide my instant enchantment. Dedicated time and space to just\u2026create? That existed? We said our goodbyes, but I couldn\u2019t shake the idea as I walked home. I fantasized about booking an apartment, a room, really any place, where I could sit and write, or edit photos, or mold clay, or sing, or draw. I don\u2019t even draw and I barely sing, unless I\u2019m cooking and Maggie Rogers<\/a> is on full volume. Oh, I could cook too! <\/p>\n\n\n\n Suddenly, the flood of realization washed over me. I am so, so burnt out.
What was I doing? <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
I create on a daily basis for my job. I love it and I\u2019m good at it, which usually works out well. But lately, I\u2019ve been looking at my projects and feeling tired, passive, stuck, restless\u2026just generally burnt out. As someone who gets energy from people and ideas, this is a bit of a conundrum. <\/p>\n\n\n\n